I wrote a comment on LinkedIn the other day.
I thought the guy’s idea was dumb, so I wrote:
“Dumb idea.”
Then I explained why.
And then I deleted the whole thing.
Not because I’d changed my mind. I still thought it was a dumb idea.
But I’ve been practising something through The Swearing Project that turns out to have very little to do with swear words.
It’s about what happens between thinking something and saying it.
The framework I’m trying to follow is simple:
Reaction → Impulse → Reflection → Agency → Action → Outcome
Reaction: I have the thought.
Impulse: I notice what I want to say. I might even write it down.
Reflection: Is saying this actually useful?
Agency: I decide what happens next, rather than letting the reaction decide for me.
Action: Say it, change it, or delete it.
Outcome: Live with the result.
In this case, I hit delete. In fact, I hit delete more than I post.
That tiny decision is exactly what The Swearing Project has been teaching me.
Deliberately controlling something as small as the words coming out of my mouth has made me notice all sorts of other impulses.
The sarcastic comment.
The unnecessary criticism.
The argument I could win but don’t need to have.
The email that’s better left until tomorrow, or never.
The thing that’s true but doesn’t need to be said because I can be be honest and kind at the same time.
I’m certainly not perfect at it. That’s why I call it a practice.
The aim isn’t to become someone who never speaks his mind.
It’s to become someone who gets to choose when he does.
And perhaps that’s the bigger lesson:
Not everything you think needs to be said.
Not everything you write needs to be sent.
Not every argument needs to be won.
Sometimes the most useful thing you can do with your words is delete them.
