On the journey of self-improvement, or life, there will be times where shit happens and you feel like you’re back to zero. You’re starting again.
You’ve messed up. Lost the plot. Lashed out. Gone out for a run or a drive in the car leaving a mess in your wake.
You feel ashamed of your behaviour but justified because of the scenario you felt sure you were in. The other person played a part too! – say that in a 9 year olds pained voice and you should smile.
The key here though is that if you’re serious about bettering yourself you will know you messed up. You will be beginning to understand your triggers. And by crikey there could be a lot of them but at least you’re noticing what they are.
Knowing your triggers means you can start to notice when you’ve been triggered and perhaps back slowly away from the response you were about to have. That one deeply ingrained from either an early age from parents who did the best they could with the parenting skills they were given. Or incidents that happened later in life.
I recently listened to a podcast where shame was a massive trigger for people. Shame by definition is, “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour”.
They discussed how this feeling can be established from a really young age by well-meaning parents who want their children to be resilient, tough. The problem is telling your 4 year old things like, “I’ll give you something to cry about.”, when they’re upset about being hurt has the opposite effect to what you want it to. They start to feel shame for being seen as weak and this carries forward into adulthood and all sorts of situations.
The point of today’s MondayMotivator is being aware of your triggers is a key to navigating successfully through life.
For example, next time you get angry, remember anger is a surface emotion and there is something deeper triggering it. Working out what that deeper thing is might take some time and a lot of questions. But even starting that process of being aware will move you forwards as a human and make your life better. Keep asking why until you get to the answer. It might take more than five but you will get there.
Have a great week and remember to be aware of your thoughts.